The opportunity has presented itself to endure another dose of chemoembolization. Honey and I are discussing it at length and making our own decision, naturally. But I want to know, as my dear dear friends and family, what do you think I should do? Knowing that two week hell the last embolization put me through, should I try it again now (even though we didn’t see significant results) or just continue with this IV and pill chemo regimine i’ve been on (three weeks on, one week off)? I’m just curious as to what ya’ll think. I had my last one done March 17 so feel free to scan backwards on the calendar up there on the left side of the page to see how it went.

Sorry, guys, I’m just not in the mood to post much lately. Everything’s fine, though. I survived Mother’s Day and had a great time in Breckenridge! Dobby’s back is much better and my dad and I are planning and planting a garden in my backyard this week and next. That’s what’s new. Now here’s a post I wrote while in the mountains last weekend:

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When/if the Big C shatters your life into a million pieces, you are left tattered, torn, scared and confused. With the help of good friends, family and loved ones, you slowly begin to pick up the pieces and put most of them back into place. I say “most” of them because your life will never be the same as it was before so there’s just no room for all the old pieces that resembled your perfect life.
So your life begins to take on a mosaic-style of appearance. Day by day, week by week, pill by pill, you glue bits of your life back together. You toss out some old pieces that you had grown tired of anyway (what a great opportunity to make changes! I’m going to stop being so negative all the time!). Unfortunately, there are parts of your life that you have to just set aside “for now” because some of the new pieces (chemo, nausea, strange and unusual side effects like a brown-coloring on the sides of your fingers, searing tongue, etc.) have taken up too much space. You have to carry those pieces in a special bag for later when you’re finished with those new pieces. Although, it is important to keep in mind that you may end up actually keeping some of these new pieces - such as a new-fondness for silly socks, or becoming more bold and outwardly friendly towards complete strangers because you have a better understanding of how cancer seems to root itself in all the toxic negativity plaguing the world. Just hang on to some of those old pieces that you kinda liked but can do without for now (obsessions with Friday night margaritas and burritos at the Rio, playing with a room full of 3 year olds with all their sniffles, coughs and sneezes).

I’ve been going through this mosaic idea for a while now in my head. I think someday I’ll create my own mosaic art piece. Where to start? I’m not really sure. But I’m starting to see it in my head. At the end of this life-changing challenge, maybe I’ll have a beautiful piece of art to show for it!

**people have commented that they could not see pictures…can you see them now?**

Here we are! We are playing hotel! Dogs and MomDad!!! Yay! We are here in Breckenridge Colorado on the off season. Off season….hrm. It snowed 6 inches up here last night. HA HA HA off season. It was kind of erie driving up to the lodge here. I had visions of “The Shining”. There were no cars on the street and no one shoveled the snow at the entrance. That is ok…it means that the dogs can bark all they want and no one will hear them.

Lets put up some pictures shall we….

Here is Mrs Honey eating lunch….she says “We are play hotel?”

Dobby is the “Prince of quite a bit”. “Take me to my room” he says.

Ok we are just staying one night…can you believe that?

On our way over here we stopped in Silverthorn to load up on fast food grease for lunch. Then we drove around lake Dillon and made our way to Swan Mountain Road. On the far east side of lake Dillon we pulled over and took some pictures of what I always called Buffalo Mountain. It looks like someone skinned a buffalo and draped it over the top of the mountain. Honey took some pictures with the Nikon D80 and I pulled out the Graflex press camera and tripod. Honey took her pictures and took some of me setting up and got in the car all before I had even prepped for the picture. It is funny how much setup it takes to use that camera. We will post some of those photos later.

Ok we are off to lounge around for a bit. Yay hotel.

We like to blog!

Been a busy week around here. Last weekend we went to a cousin’s baby shower, for which I created a diaper cake. I took pictures of it but I’m too beat to upload them right now. I also took pictures of my daily medicine regimen and my monthly home photos…also, too lazy right now to show you. Stay tuned in the coming days for those.

Scarlett had her one year birthday on Sunday. We celebrated with a new toy that, even though it said it was indestructable, she promptly began destroying. That’s really the funnest part of playing with her toys is destroying them. Because she can. And we keep buying them for her. We’re such suckers!

Dobby went back to the vet for his lingering back pain. After some expensive Xrays and bloodwork told us that nothing was wrong with him, we were sent home with more pain killers. I think, though, he is slowly improving. His tail is starting to creep out from under his booty and he’s been more active with Scarlett and Monkey etc. The pain killers seem to work and although last week I could actually feel the heat radiating from that sore area of his spine, I can barely feel it anymore. So he’s definitely improving.

I’m starting to lose track of my CAKE schedule! I completely forgot that I get this week off! Well, see, last week when I went in, my white blood cell count was a little low. Fortunately, not low enough to prevent me from getting CAKE on Friday but low enough to warrant a trip back to the clinic on Monday for a Neulasta shot. That shot has a longer half life than the three I had to get last month. which means it’s just now, just today starting to cause side effects. All day I have been experiencing excruciating pain pulsating through my tailbone and radiating up through my breast bone. It hurts so much it has brought me to tears. Honey took the day off today so that we could go apply for our visas for our China trip in August so he cancelled my ShrinkyDink appointment and brought me home, put me on a heating pad and called Nurse McFly about it. He says all is normal and to be expected. I can take my mega pain killers as well as Advil or Aleve and the pain should pass in “a day or so.” Bah. The good news is I get to stop taking Xeloda for a week after tomorrow! And the great news is I booked us a room at a pet-friendly lodge in Breckenridge for Saturday night! Yup. We’re packing up the dogs and taking a short, romantic holiday in the mountains! We might go snowmobiling. Definitely shopping. Probably seek out some photo opportunities for Honey. I need to get outta here every chance I get!

We upgraded our aquarium after two of our three fishes died. So that’s bittersweet. We got a nice oak stand and a 20 gallon tank (upgraded from a 7 gallon!). It’s currently set up and running, generating “healthy bacteria” and such before I introduce the fish in a week or so. Marley (the black one with the bubbly eyes) survived the epidemic that swept through the last tank (I think the filter stopped working) and is currently roughing it in your standard goldfish bowl until his new big digs are ready. Then we’ll get some more other kinds of fish. I get really psyched about this sort of thing so please excuse me if you think I’m rambling on about my fish!

Tomorrow I’m going to have lunch with two of my dearest friends and ex-coworkers (one of ‘em used to be my boss)! I’m so excited! I haven’t seen these ladies together in a long time and we always have tons of fun! Let’s pray that this debilitating back pain subsides by noon tomorrow so I can go enjoy lunch with the ladies!

So there’s your complete update of what’s going on here. I promise to get those pictures up ASAP.

Cameras cameras cameras. I have always enjoyed taking pictures and even back in high school I took a photography class. That class was very fun because we had a darkroom at school and we had to develop our own film and make our own prints. I used an old 35mm cannon camera that we had. We had no flash for it so I had to compensate with using a different speed film so that I could get good pictures in the lower light levels. After high school I did not really use cameras…I spent my time doing college things and I am actually kinda glad that we did not document some of those times

A couple of years ago I got a nice new digital camera for Christmas. Nikon D50 6 Megapixel camera. Man I started snapping pictures all over the place. It is so cool to be able to take a picture and then preview it on the back of the camera. Last summer we went on a fishing trip up in Canada. I had a back pack full of my computer and all my new camera gear. Mrs. Honey told me “why are you bringing all of that stuff with you?”. But then we got up there and I started snapping pictures of the wildlife (eagles and seals and such)…I got action pictures of people pulling in fish or snapping the line as they pull up halibut from the ocean floor 300 feet down (you know who you are). Each night I was able to pull out my laptop and transfer the pictures from the camera to the computer and we could all see the large versions of the images and oooo and aaahhh over them.

Then we went to Santa Fe for new years that year. It was kind of crazy because we arrived during the blizzard. Most of the shops were closed while we were down there because there was so much snow. I got some more great pictures of the snow falling and the accumulation. I also took one of my favorite pictures so far. It is of my Father-in-law. We were sitting in a tea house up at the top of canyon road.

During 2007 I got a little antsy and wanted to upgrade my camera so that I would have more options and more capabilities. I sold my D50 to someone at the office and purchased a D80 on ebay. I am now up to a 10+ Megapixel camera with more options and capabilities. This camera is great and it helps me to take some great photos. I carry my camera with me everyday and it is funny how I look at things now. Now when I am walking down the 16th street mall at lunch I stop and compose these pictures in my head. I look and what people are doing, what is framing them, what does the background look like, etc. I have yet to take my camera with me to lunch…but now I am convincing myself that I should.

OK…topic is “of digital and analog”….The digital camera is really nice because the results are pretty much immediate. I can view images and delete them if they are no good. There is no waste of film or prints.

Last year I found out that my Mother-in-law had an older 35mm Nikon FE with 3 lenses. I had read online that many of the older nikon mount lenses would fit on the digital cameras and you could use them and go in an all digital mode. I borrowed a couple of lenses from Windy and used them on my digital camera with some interesting results. When Windy passed away last year Honey and I acquired her 35mm camera. Honey kept telling me that her mom had taken some great pictures and that it was a very good camera. I started to thing back to my photography class and how much fun it was developing film and such.

Earlier this year I started to get interested in large format photography (negatives that are on 4X5 inch sheets). I tivo’d some shows about the history of photography and famous photographers on Ovation. I gotta say that I really enjoy learning about the history of photography and seeing images from the late 1800’s on in to the 1940’s and 1950’s. These shows spurred my interest and quest to participate in the large format photography arena. I told myself that it would allow me to get back to the roots of photography. No light meters on the camera…no automatic settings…back to really composing the picture before it gets taken because you are now back to film (not only that but sheet film).

I put some effort in and found a press camera on ebay. I bought an old Graflex Crown Graphic. If you have seen pictures of photographers from the 1950’s you would recognize this camera. It is square and has bellows on the front. Flash on the side with a big round reflector with the flash bulb. With the reading I had done on the Internet many people wrote that a Graflex camera is a good place to start with large format photography.

The camera I got is a great looking antique. Probably made in the late ’40s early ’50s. I found a shop here in Denver that would work on it and had them clean the lenses, shutters, check that everything is light tight, calibrate the rangefinder and infinity stops. I found out after I got the camera from the seller that it does not take the 4X5 film but the slightly smaller 3 1/4 X 4 1/4. I was worried because some webpages stated that there is no longer film made in that size. I searched around and found some film made by a manufacturer in Croatia. I also found some film cartridges to hold the film. My next hurdle is the film processing…not sure if I will develop it myself or if I can find a shop in town to do it. I have actually taken four pictures with that camera. It was a new experience to load the film holders…I had to create a completely dark room in our house and then I had to sacrifice one sheet of film so that I could teach myself how to load the holder in complete darkness.

Today during C.A.K.E. I am using MIL’s old Nikon camera with black and white film in it. I am really excited to see how these pictures turn out! But alas we are going to have to wait. There is no preview of the image (except through the view finder). If I had the settings wrong it was a waste of film/learning opportunity. There is a lot of stuff to take pictures of while were are here at C.A.K.E but I am not sure that the feeling of being here can be conveyed in the pictures. I don’t know if what Honey is going through…what she has to deal with is going to come through in the photos. The pictures will be a reminder to us about that moment in time captured on film.

Analog camera with film- There is something nostalgic about using the camera and a different kind of feeling in the pictures that come from film…the issue is that it is not an instant feedback media.

C.A.K.E is almost done and I have only touched on today’s topic.