I had a baby boy. I wasn't pregnant and I didn't go into labor. But the baby boy I was holding was mine, came from me, and was only one day old. I held him close and cuddled him in a blanket. I was in the living room of the house I grew up in in Littleton with my Honey and my mother. Apparently, Honey and I owned and lived in the house. Mom and Honey were sitting in recliners next to one another in front of the window. I sat with the baby on the couch across from them. I was in awe over this baby and kept exclaiming how excited I was that my wish finally came true! Mom ignored the baby completely and kept complaining about her back, the poor lighting in the room, how she wanted to go to bed, etc. This pissed me off but only mildly as I have gotten used to her complaints. I just ignored her.
All of a sudden, Honey and I were on our way to the store. I still had the baby. We had no baby supplies and I kept feeding it vanilla flavored Soy milk from a bottle I happened to find in my house. I didn't have a burp cloth but I knew that I had to try burping him over my shoulder. Nothing much happened when I did this, he just cooed and gurgled all cute-like.
We were supposed to go to Honey's sister's apartment for a party or something but I insisted that we stop by Target and Sam's Club on the way to pick up some baby supplies. I started thinking of a list of things we would need in my head: burping cloths, a car seat/carrier, a snuggly thing or maybe one of those big scarves that the baby hangs in next to your body like a hammock, diapers, wipes, bottles, bottle warmers, formula. Then I wondered why my boobs didn't feel any different. Was I supposed to feed this baby from myself? I dont' remember giving birth but I knew that it was mine.
So we get to Sam's Club and I realize that I needed to renew my membership before we could get in the door. Target and Sam's Club were right next door to one another and connected indoors. I carefully handed the baby to Honey who wasn't actually Honey...it didn't look much like him - looked more like a scrawny hillbilly man. But for some reason I knew it was Honey. So I gave him the baby and rambled off some quick cautions and instructions. Then I went to renew my membership card.
At the membership desk I found three extremely long lines of people waiting. I couldn't bear to stand in those lines. I looked over at Honey and the baby who were sitting in some chairs off to the side. I saw Honey feeding the baby some of his cherry licorice. I ran over and grabbed it from him and sternly told him, "You can't feed sugary candy to a baby!!! He's still developing. Do you realize that a newborn baby isn't even 1/2 done developing and won't be fully developed as a child until he's about 2 years old??" Through this last half of my lecture, Honey was mocking me and acting bored and annoyed. So I gave him the baby again, told him to be careful and then went back to the membership desk.
The same lines were there, getting longer by the second and I couldn't stand it. I looked at my membership card, trying to figure out how long I could put off renewing it, when I realized it didn't expire until September, not March (it was a 9 instead of a 3 in the month field). I was so relieved.
I returned to Honey and the baby where I found a chair on it's side on the floor and the baby had been laid down with his head between the bars of the chair's arm. Honey had put him there, but not maliciously. He thought that it was a good way to let the baby sleep. But I noticed the baby was having trouble breathing. I freaked out and released the chair's arms from around his neck and he immediately started breathing again.
I picked him up and held him close to me. I said, "Screw it. Let's just go to Target and get everything there. We're already late for your sister's."
As we walked over to Target, I suggested to Honey that we name the baby Nicholas. He could go by Nick or Nicholas. Honey said, "Hmmmm..."
We got to Target and tried to put the baby in one of those little baskets you carry to shop with when you're not shopping for a lot of things - not enough for a full cart. I placed him gently in the basket, surrounded by blankets and cushioning. We went to the information/customer service desk where we found an older woman working there. She was grumbling and complaining about something as she approached us. She was trying to be funny and sarcastic. Honey started chiming in with her and playing along. I was so frustrated. I wanted to ask the woman about their baby registry or if she could suggest what sorts of things I would absolutely need in the next couple of days. But she was too distracted with joking with Honey. I grabbed a piece of paper and just stormed off with the baby, thinking I would do it myself.