We went to McDonald’s for dinner last night. We very rarely do this but it was special treat for Honey. There are several McD’s to choose from in our area but we really prefer the one with the self-order touch screens. It’s our little corner of Geek Paradise.

So we went there, ordered our greasy goodness and waited. Honey got a two cheeseburger meal with NO pickles and EXTRA onions. (YUCK!) I ordered a quarter pounder with no onions. They got mine right but not Honey’s. His ended up with no onions and extra pickles. He took it back up to the counter, handed them back to the non-English-speaking people and asked politely for the problem to be corrected. Less than two minutes later, he came back to our table with two new burgers. Opened them up and, yet again, found no onions and extra pickles. He began to get agitated by this time…

See, without getting into specifics, he underwent a medical procedure yesterday for which he had to fast for 36 hours. By the time we got to McD’s he was seriously read for some solid food!!!!

Okay, second time, he took the burgers back to the counter and explained again how his original order was supposed to be NO pickles, extra onions. The dude took the burgers to the back and let Honey stand there waiting…for just under 10 minutes. I’m not kidding. By this time, the counter and touch-screens were filling up with more and more people at the dinner rush. I overheard one lady call back to the cooks in the back, “Is anyone working up here at the counter?! We’ve all been standing here for a long time!” Eventually, a manager-looking guy (still not fluent in our country’s language) approached Honey and asked him why he was still standing there. Honey explained the problem again and told the manager that he was still waiting for his burgers. Two minutes later the manager brought him two new burgers.

Honey brought these two burgers to our table, completely betting on the ole “third time’s a charm” luck of the draw. Alas, the burgers still had no onions and extra pickles.

I’ve very rarely heard my Honey scream in anger before. He’s the most mellow, sometimes-passive person I know. He’s the opposite of me. But this time, he got loud.

He stormed back up to the counter and yelled “THIS IS THE THIRD TIME! NO PICKLES! EXTRA ONIONS! NO PICKLES NO PICKLES!!!!” I was sitting around the corner from where he was standing at the counter yelling but he later reported to me that he was yelling at the foreign people working in the back who were all looking at him and preparing to pile more pickles on his burgers as they thought he was requesting. I fully expected Honey to climb over the counter and strangle one of them. But he did not. If it were me, by this time, I woulda’ been throwing those burgers to the back like tennis balls!

Finally, he got his right order. Granted, it was 25 minutes after we had both ordered and yes, I had finished my meal by the time he sat down to eat his. We were both livid.

Honey and I have both worked in the customer service field for over 10 years. We’re great customers as a result. If there’s a problem with our order at any restaurant, we calmly like to inform the powers that be so that future orders aren’t problematic for other customers. Like last weekend when we ordered food to-go from Boston’s: they forgot my salad dressing and garlic bread. We already had it at home, unpacked and started to eat but we called them just to let them know of the mix up so that they could try to avoid getting more calls from more customers complaining throughout the evening. The manager was so pleased with our call that he actually sent a guy to drive to our house and deliver the dressing and garlic bread. He even offered us free dessert. Now that’s GOOD customer service!

The cooks at McDonald’s didn’t speak English and didn’t give a shit about Honey’s order. The manager appeared to be mad that he had to work at all so he clearly didn’t give a shit. The next best thing? I called the “Customer Care” hotline posted on the door to the restaurant but had to leave a voice mail. Still haven’t heard back. But believe me, whatever Ronald-McDonald-Clown-Wannabe that calls me back is going to get a full detailed account of our horrible dining experience last night.

In the spirit of “celebrating” the joys of fast-food service, please enjoy this sampling of Tenacious D in the drive thru.