The other day we noticed our flagpole was missing. Gone. Kaput. Nevermore. It’s one of those ones that sticks into a bracket that is attached to the siding on the house. It’s right above our garage door. It’s been there since we moved in. And every season or major holiday change, I change the flag accordingly. I got a cute flag in Hilton Head with a sun on it that said HOT HOT HOT! on it. Along the bottom were three dangling suns, one of which had eventually ripped off and blown away by the wind. But that’s no reason for someone to steal our flag - POLE AND ALL! Jeeeez!

Every time we left the house in the past three days, we scan our neighbors’ yards, sidewalks, and driveways, searching for signs of our beloved flagpole. I am tempted to blame the “punk kids” across the street who always leave their bikes and scooters and crap just haphazardly splayed across their lawn and driveway even over night - the same kids who rang our doorbell and then ran away a half dozen times last month. Or maybe it was the “weird, slightly trashy, not exactly friendly” new neighbors that are renting next door. Those kids will be riding their bikes in the street and up and down their own driveway but the instant they see us open our garage door, they’re riding right up to the top of our driveway and then back down, not talking to us, not making eye-contact, not even waving “HI!” Yeah, those kids threw something into our yard a couple weeks ago and then we watched them just jump the fence and come on in to get it. In my day, I wouldn’t have EVER done such a thing without going around to the front, ringing the doorbell and asking permission first. The NERVE of these kids!
Or could it have been the famly at the top of our cul-de-sac with the “super cool single dad named Joe” and their fifty five Chihuahuas (all named after candy bars).

So many suspects. So little resources. Surely, I’ve watched enough Law and Order: SVU to know how to properly investigate, intimidate, interrogate and instigate this crime. Bring me Dr. Wong! I need him to do a profile on the Perp!

Really, though, I just want my damn flag pole back. Boo hoo.