My ShrinkyDink suggested I join a Book Club. I’ve considered doing so for years but was always afraid that I don’t read fast enough to keep up with the rest of the group. ShrinkyDink always has a solution to my problems…to that one she said, “If it’s a couple days before the group meets and you haven’t finished, then just get the book on CD and listen to it in your car!” Duhhh! She also assured me that not everyone finishes all the books in time for the meetings.

So…..I’m looking into it. I’ve found several in my neighborhood and I’m narrowing it down to one or two, based on when they meet and what they’re reading next. I think I’m going to start at the group who’s doing The Tree Bride mid-March. Have any of you read or heard about this book? Any suggestions or comments about book clubs in general? Please advise.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a television show I watched as a kid. It was called Pinwheel and I absolutely ADORED this show! When we first got cable, I would sit and watch it every moment it was on. Specifically, though, I’ve been thinking about the characters of Hattytown, though I don’t know why. This lead me to google both shows and a couple more I remember fondly from my youth. Follow the links below and let me know if you remember any of these gems!

Pinwheel

Hattytown

Today’s Special

Jem

The Great Space Coaster

Kids Incorporated

Square One Television

Can you tell I’ve been watching a lot of Monty Python!?

First of all, I want to offer my deepest thanks to Candace and Maggie for their wonderful support and advice regarding my last post. I am taking to heart what you’ve said and am comforted by it. Thank you.

Okay, and now I have some loooooong overdue photos to share with you!
(more…)

So, yesterday, I was back at work, feeling spry and happy to be back among the living. Having no tummy pain and no more lingering drowsiness or nausea from Monday’s anesthetic I was rearing to go. I enjoyed a smooth morning with the kiddos and other teachers at school. I agreed to stay late to cover another teacher’s absence. And then…

I slipped on a book, threw my kneecap out of place and fell hard on my ass in the middle of the classroom at naptime. I had to actually push my kneecap back into place. It hurt like absolute hell. And it scared the crap outta me. This has happened before - I have weak knees- but never this badly. Two other teachers witnessed my crash and propped my leg up and packed my knee with ice. My boss came in to talk about the possibility of workmans comp. I managed to stay an hour and a half past my normal leaving time (again, to help cover that missing teacher) but went straight to my doctor on my way home.

He said I sprained my knee. Didn’t tear any ligaments or patellas or ACL or anything. I honestly don’t remember exactly what part of my knee I damaged but I strained and bruised part of the muscle around the knee. He sent me home with a light pain killer, some Tylenol (I can’t take ibuprofen or asprin for two weeks b/c of the endoscopy on Monday) and told me to rest and ice it for a day or so.

Imagine my frustration. I am not a hypochondriac. True, I can get a little dramatic when I have even a slight ailement but I don’t make illnesses or injuries up to get attention. I am too closely related to some people who do that so I’m always trying to escape any hint that I may be following in their footsteps. But it pisses me off. I recover from one ickyness just to step into another one. I feel like an 85 year old woman with bad bones. I feel like my mother.

I won’t sit here and victimize myself. I won’t whine and moan “Woe is me. Why is the world so cruel.” I won’t deny that what may very well be happening to me is a little thing known in the psychoanalytic world as Self Sabbotage. Here’s a brief but thorough explaination of self-sabbotage:

Self-sabotaging behavior occurs when your thoughts, feelings and actions work against your own best interests. Its effect on your career and your personal life can be devastating, preventing you from having a successful and rewarding life. This behavior shows up in many ways: procrastination, isolation, victimization, over-commitment, and apathy, to name but a few.

So it’s an effect from the subconscious. It’s plagued me before. It plagues my mother annually. The thing that I am having trouble figuring out is HOW TO MAKE IT STOP!!! What does my subconscious need to be satisfied enough to stop sabbotaging me with stomach pains, knee sprains and general lameness?! I already dropped one class. I REFUSE to give up or cut back on my hours at my job. I love it too much. And surely I can handle this one Hummanities class. I’m not wrestling with my issues with my mother anymore. I’m not dragged down by my dad’s life either. I am living my own life with my own Honey and I consider myself relatively happy and extremely blessed. What more could I ask for?!?! W. T. F.?!?!?

The website from which I snagged the aforementioned definition goes on to say this:

Having clear goals, staying focused, establishing support systems, moving forward stepwise, and celebrating successes are but a few of the strategies you can employ to overcome self-sabotaging behavior. Don’t permit anything to interfere or unconsciously hold you back from achieving your goals. Don’t sabotage your career, aspirations, performance or advancement.

Isn’t that what I tried to do by going to work daily despite my stomach aches? Isn’t that what I was accomplishing by returning to work yesterday, all fresh with a new attitude and outlook? What am I missing here?

The only thing I can think to do is rest some more today and tonight and then go to work as regularly scheduled tomorrow. Deny the pain in me knee, do not take the pain meds in the morning and continue on as normal. Will ignoring these self sabotaging events really make them go away? What if it just makes them worse?

Or could all of that just be bullshit? Honey thinks it’s just coincidence. Oh, were it so simple as that! So I fell down and broke my crown. No big deal. Take a break and a load off and I’ll get back on my feet next week.

I do not understand.
I do not like it.
The Queen does not approve!!!!!!!!!!

The endoscopy on Monday was yucky. But, fortunately, they gave me a general anesthetic so I slept through most of it (was conscious for the gagging and vomit-like spasms of my tummy though!). The doc said he found some polyps in my stomach but they wouldn’t be the cause of my discomfort. He took a biopsy anyway and told me to come see him in three weeks. And have another EGD in six weeks. Oh joy. Lucky me.

I missed yesterday at work because I was still feeling icky from the anesthesia - nausea and sleepiness. I’m back today, though, and feeling fine. My stomach doesn’t hurt much at all. I’m going to just ignore it until it gets bad again. Then I’ll rush to the doctor’s office and say, “See! Ow! Help!”

Not much else is going on in my world since I haven’t been among the living for a couple of days. I’m itchin’ for a meme. Anyone got any good ones to tag me with??