To my Christian friends who may be easily offended, please do not click here. To the rest of you, enjoy!

This is wicked funny!

Spiders on Drugs

and so is this…

Redneck Time Out

Candace got me!

You do this:

1) Find the nearest book
2) Open to page 123
3) Type lines 6-8 of said book
4) Tag three others

“…endless gifts–the inspiration of Her beauty, the wisdom of Her ways, the empowerment of Her elements. We have forgotten that Nature is indeed the gown the Goddess puts on in order to be seen.”

from Witch Crafting by Phyllis Curott

And with that, I tag Writer-girl, spyderkl, and Maggie.

The OBGyn canceled my appointment today. I guess she can’t make it in today for some reason.
So I called and scheduled a new appointment with a different OBGyn (it felt like the Divine was guiding me away from this other OB). Not a big deal since this other one comes highly recommended by my MIL and SIL. It’s a guy and I prefer a woman OB but if they say he’s good then I can try it out.
Problem is he can’t see me until early next month (just a few days after my appointment with the periodontist).
So I called my primary care physician’s office to get some more immediate answers regarding the antibiotic/periodontal disease/trying to conceive issues. I got to speak with my doc’s assistant and she was very kind and knowledgeable. I trust her way more than anyone else I’ve spoken to about it…which made the news she gave me all the harder to cope with….mostly because I know she’s right.

I just cannot try to conceive right now. It would not be in the best interest of my child. Periodontal disease is just a fancy way of saying “you have a severe bacterial infection that is embedded deep within your soft tissue (gums).” Who, in their right mind, would try to create a child in such an unhealthy body?
I need to start this three month antibiotic and see it through. Then I need to see the periodontist to help get a handle on the infection. Hopefully, the infection will go away after the antibiotics. However, it is more likely that I will need more treatments by the periodoc to truly get it under control.

The doc’s assistant reminded me, “What is waiting a few months to the life of a healthy, strong future child?” I keep repeating that to myself. Admittedly, it is in between sobs, but I know she’s right.

At least I wasn’t told that I can’t have children at all! That’s the good news out of all of this.

I beat myself up a little bit for being bad, having bad stuff inside me, not taking care of my teeth sooner, etc etc. After about ten minutes of that futile tirade, Honey calmed me down and helped put it in perspective:

I do want a baby.
I don’t want to wait to have a baby.
I do have an infection.
I don’t want to lose a baby or have an unhealthy baby from the start.
I do want to provide my child with the healthiest body to nurture her in.

He’s right. They’re all right. So now I’m not crying anymore and I’m trying to gain a bit more patience. Next I will put away the baby name books, hide the “Baby is Sleeping” pillow that my mom got me for Christmas, stash the conception-friendly lubricant and get off the TTC message board. I’ll get out the condoms, keep taking my temp and get this (fucking) antibiotic included in my daily routine.

Here’s the song that I just came on — it means a lot right now:

Gravity
is working against me.
And gravity
wants to bring me down.

Oh I’ll never know what makes this man
with all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away.

Gravity
is working against me.
And gravity
wants to bring me down.

Oh twice as much ain’t twice as good
and can’t sustain like one half could.
It’s wanting more that’s gonna send me to my knees.

Gravity
stay the hell away from me.
Gravity
has taken better men than me.
How can that be?
Just keep me where the light is.
Just keep me where the light is.
Just keep me where the light is.

-John Mayer

In the past two weeks, and especially in the past three days, I have experienced a great outpouring of love and compassion from five very special women in my life. Two of these women are my mother figures. One of them is my actual mother. One of them is a friend from work. Another is a long-time friend who lives too far away.

I got some bad news from the dentist the other day. She referred me to a periodontist and wanted to put me on a three month prescription of antibiotic for an infection in my gums. After confirming with the pharmacist that the particular antibiotic the dentist prescribed me is not conducive to pregnancy (or trying to achieve pregnancy, as the case may be), I decided to try to get a different, shorter round of antibiotics — since I really don’t want to wait three months to start trying again. But the dentist didn’t feel comfortable with prescribing me an alternate drug, stressing that the periodontal disease is a more significant issue concerning my attempts to conceive.

Basically, what I hear is: “You have something nasty in you so you can’t make a baby. ”

Yeah, it could be worse. I know.

But it breaks my heart. It makes me want to cry. It makes me scared, confused and incompetent.

Late last night, I received a surprise email from my coworker (the one who recently found out she is pregnant — so I’m about three steps behind her on such a journey). This email was full of support and encouraging words and advice. She sent me a very informative link about periodontal disease and assured me that I should start with my OBGyn (whom I see on Thursday) and get answers from her first, then work my way out towards a solution. That makes perfect sense to me since my biggest concern is for a baby. Of course I should start with the Baby Doctor!

I’ve heard it all before…”Get your dental problems under control before you try to get pregnant,” “Bacterial infections in the gums can cause serious problems for your baby,” “Yadda yadda yadda.” Spare me. I know I know I know. I’m seeing a periodontist early next month (the soonest they could get me in) and I will follow through with that process. It is just my hope that I can do both at the same time. I really don’t want anyone to tell me to wait until my gum disease goes away, into remission or whatthehellever before I try to make a baby. That could take years. I turn 31 in three weeks and I want to have a baby SOONER than later.

These wonderful women I mentioned earlier are blessings from the Divine. They are symbols of motherhood to me. Signs of support and love and understanding and kindness. They are gifts. I cherish them and am eternally grateful for them. And believe me, I don’t let them forget it. I only hope I can be as good a friend or daughter in return. Only time and patience will tell………………..on all of it.