Thanksgiving was nice yesterday. We went to Honey’s uncle’s house where we usually go and a large part of the family gathers every year. We were a little aprehensive to go at first - afraid of all sorts of pitying looks and endless questions from everyone. Our worry was futile. Everyone was just extra loving: tighter, longer-lasting hugs, sincere greetings and partings. It was lovely. One person expressed her sympathy. A couple others offered to help in any way throughout coming treatments. One cousin gave me a small gift: a beautiful red glass pendant and a card. Very sweet.

We had turkey, mashers, the usual Thanksgiving feast. Though I had to turn down the wine offers. Not a big deal.

Today is the first day in a week that I haven’t taken narcotic pain killers! Plus, we spent most of the afternoon shopping. I’m completely worn out now but only taking ibuprofen to manage the residual surgery pains.

We were unable to contact the other oncologist we are hoping to see for a second opinion on treatment today. But Honey assures me that his dad will call first thing Monday morning and won’t take “our first opening is in two weeks” for an answer! Yay!

My PCP called me Wednesday afternoon. She told me to double up my antidepressants. I’m still not a big fan of having to take medications but I suspect there are going to be many more in my future. I doubled them up yesterday and today and it has really helped so far. My outlook is more positive, more optimistic. Every once in a while, the depression creeps up on me. Like today in the pet isle at Wal-Mart. I was separated from Honey and Dad, looking at the dog toys and I saw one that Mom had already gotten for Ophelia. It hit me in the chest like a baseball bat. I can’t believe she’s gone, I thought. How am I going to get through this cancer without her? I moved on and pushed it to the back of my mind and my attitude improved from there.

I’ve come up with some more questions to ask my doctors:
How will any of these treatments affect my ability to have children when the cancer goes into remission? (see there how I’m speaking optimistically?!)
Can I do chemo and radiation at the same time?
How does chemo actually work?
Can I resume my old prenatal vitamins? Or should I switch back to a regular old multi? Or no vitamins at all?
Can I get a tattoo even though I have cancer?
Should I get a flu shot?
If my immunity goes down during treatment, and I contract a cold or flu or something, what’s going to happen to me?

I am constantly amazed at how many people who don’t even know me have come to my aid in the best ways they can. My sister-in-law’s best friend is involved in some kind of Indian (Hindu?) spirituality and she has a group of friends who get together and meditate on a regular basis. She lives in Washington D.C. and this group was supposedly meditating on me and sending me healing energies the other night. And a friend of a friend emailed me with her support and told me she is wearing her garnet ring in my honor now days. I don’t even know these people! It’s awesome! I’m really experiencing the best parts of humanity in all this. It’s not all just road-rage and rude cashiers!

I am thankful for everyone.