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Massaaaaaahhhhhhge!

Blogged under Uncategorized by Garnet on Thursday 31 January 2008 at 9:30 am

I haven’t been to the chiropractor and massage therapist since early October. In fact, I was last there the day after I found out I was pregnant. So…October 2nd. During my recovery from the laproscopic surgery in November, my hip “went out” again and I could’ve really used an adjustment but the last thing I felt like doing was having anyone touch me, let alone push on my back whilst lying on my stomach! And this past week has, for some reason, caused the muscles in my neck and shoulders to tighten up again (probably from all my crafting!) so I’ve been craving a massage, too. But I have been avoiding going for the simple reason that the last time they (my chiropractor and massage therapist both) saw me, I was pregnant so the next time I see them, I not only have to explain why I’m not preggers anymore but all the rest of the crap that’s been going on in my life. Sure, I don’t need to tell them anything…it’s not really any of their business. But they are very friendly with me and I talk to both of them about lots of stuff in my life with Honey so I didn’t feel right just not telling them anything. I consider them both my friends but I’ve avoided contacting them all this time.

This morning I got a surprise phone call from Jennifer (my aforementioned massage therapist). She was just calling to see how I am doing since she hadn’t seen or heard from me in a while. She said she misses me! I ended up telling her everything that has gone on lately and she was so very sweet and understanding about it. She also told me that I didn’t have to come in and tell everybody all my business. And she’s right. Unfortunately, my regular chiropractor at their office has left their practice and opened up her own in downtown Denver. I’ll miss seeing her but she’s really the only other person I felt any obligation to give an update on my health. I’ll get my adjustments from Dr. Kim instead and I don’t mind telling her I lost the baby and that I have a tumor (so she’ll be more gentle on me in her manipulation of my spine!) but I don’t need to go any deeper with her. And Jennifer assured me that I certainly don’t have to talk about it all while getting a massage from her. What a relief! Because really, that’s the last thing that would relax me! Please, just give me one hour of relaxation WITHOUT talking about my health problems, symptoms, side effects, causes, prognosis, blahbitty blah blah blah!

So I’m going in today at 3 for an hour massage and adjustment! HORRAY! Plus, getting back into a regular schedule of both will do a world of good towards healing and surviving this! I can’t wait!

P.S. After several hours, a zillion dresses and lots of sweat and frustration, we found the perfect wedding dress for Sister and bridesmaid dresses for me and her three other attendants yesterday! I had so much fun trying on all those fancy dresses and I’m actually looking forward to wearing some sexy heels at the wedding!! ;) The date is set for October 19 and the countdown and mad preparations have already begun! Way to go, Lindsay!

The Story of Nusre McFly (fka Nurse Skippy)

Blogged under Uncategorized by Garnet on Wednesday 30 January 2008 at 1:31 pm

Remember way back when we had that day from hell at the hospital during my second CAKE (click here, here and here for the three-part refresher)? And the unhelpful answers (look about halfway down into this post) I got from my doctor’s office a couple days after my first CAKE treatment? Well, we spent a couple of grueling weeks sorting through issues from all that and I thought you might like to hear how it all worked out in the end.

The long and short of it is that our insurance company suddenly got stingy about giving me a particular prescription medication to help keep my post-chemo nausea under control. They wouldn’t authorize more than 9 pills at a time and then when we tried to renew the prescription in preparation for the second CAKE, they claimed it was too soon - that I had to wait a month between refills before getting 9 more measly pills. I’m sorry that my CHEMOTHERAPY for my CANCER doesn’t FIT with your freaking bureaucratic schedule of allowable benefits!!!! Grrrr! Anyway, that was one prescription that I use at home. Then there’s another anti-nausea med that I fill at the hospital and take the morning of CAKE and for three days afterwards. The insurance company got stingy with that one that same day. Somehow, (I don’t know how because I was pretty doped up and sleepy through CAKE that day) Honey worked it out and got medication #2 so that I could actually get CAKE that day and we had to pay out of pocket for just three of the medication #1. Seventeen dollars for THREE PILLS! And then a couple days later, I needed more so we paid another seventeen dollars for three more pills. Sure, they worked on the nausea but they gave me a nasty head and neckache (I have no idea how these drugs work like that!).

When you want to talk to my doctor directly about something, all you can do is either make an appointment and wait to see her face-to-face or email her. Eventually, I had acquired her cell phone number and when Honey called that, she kindly told him that the dealings with the insurance company was out of her control and that he needed to speak with her head nurse. So while we were paying an arm and a leg for six stupid pills, Honey was leaving messages for my doctor’s main nurse, Nurse Skippy. (We call people we consider dumb-asses “Skippy” instead of “Dumbass” - like bad drivers, stupid salespeople and telemarketers.) Skippy didn’t return Honey’s calls for several days. Meanwhile, Honey called our Patient Advocate at the hospital who eventually put us in touch with the individual who does, indeed, work with the insurance companies on just these sorts of issues. Honey finally got things moving and worked out with that lady, we’ll call her the Insurance Advocate, should we need to refer to her again. But Nurse Skippy didn’t call Honey back until 5 days later. Meanwhile, I’m in agony at home, nauseous and trying to take anything I possibly can to control the chaos that is my digestive system. I know I should’ve “called my doctor’s office” but if I had, I would’ve just ended up dealing with Nurse Skippy and he was already on my Shit List for ignoring Honey’s calls. I didn’t really put a lot of trust in him after his pathetic explainations to me about the sympoms I had after my first (SCARY) CAKE experience.

When he finally called, Honey just told him we had worked it all out with the Insurance Advocate and Patient Advocate. Honey’s too nice to say “So F*** OFF!” but we were both thinking it loudly in our heads!

Honey and I both have almost a decade of customer service experience under our belts. Our own good customer service skills makes us pretty reasonable customers when dealing with issues on a commercial level. I guess we just expect people in positions that deal with “customers” or, in this case, “patients” to have good customer service skills, too. Is it too much to ask to get a return phone call in a timely manner? Honey kept saying he thought he was suffering from the payback of Bad Karma for the times he didn’t call his customers back at old jobs he had!

Apparently, the Insurance Advocate had heard our complaints regarding Nurse Skippy (she had said that a lot of what she was going to do was supposed to have been done by Nurse Skippy and she wondered why he wasn’t taking care of it) and reported it to his boss. In the meantime, I get emailed requests from the Hospital’s President to fill out a satisfaction survey after each and every visit. There’s always a little box at the end of the survey for comments. You should’ve seen how I overflowed that box after that nasty CAKE visit and our issues with Skippy! A few days later, Nurse Skippy’s boss (not my doctor but the Head of Nursing) called me. She was very kind and listened to all of my complaints and concerns. Why didn’t Skippy return Honey’s call? Why wasn’t he more helpful and nicer to me when I called him, freaking out about not being able to swallow after my first CAKE treatment? I know being a nurse isn’t quite the same as selling TV’s at Best Buy but shouldn’t a nurse, above all other people in customer service, have impeccable customer service skills? They deal with sick people day in and day out…I kind of think it’s a requirement, don’t you? I mean, we all know that to be a great doctor he or she need not have a good bedside manner, just as long as he or she is great with his/her hands, medical knowledge, whathaveyou. But a nurse is an entirely different story. The nurse is the one who should pick up the lack-of-bedside-manner slack that the doctor lacks. When Honey finally got him on the phone, Nurse Skippy’s excuse was that he was terribly busy and hadn’t had time to return Monday’s call until Friday afternoon at 4pm.

Anyway, Skippy’s boss was very understanding and promised me she would talk to him as soon as he got in the next day. Which she did and he called us promptly. I waited until Honey got home so that we could both talk to him together to clear the air. We called him back that afternoon and we laid it out on the table. I told him I felt dismissed when I to him after my first infusion. I told him, “You may be very experienced and know all about the side effects, symptoms and things to expect after chemotherapy but this is my first time through it so I don’t know what to expect and I was counting on you to help explain it to me. I felt you were writing my symptoms off as trivial and silly. I didn’t know better. I was scared and confused. I didn’t feel comfortable calling you with more questions after that.” Honey told him in detail all the problems with the insurance company and those prescriptions and how eventually, when he spoke to the Insurance Advocate lady, she indicated that a lot of what needed to be done to remedy the problem should have been done by him (Skippy). Where was he? Why didn’t he take care of it? Why didn’t he call back right away? Honey and I both said to him, “We know you are busy. We are ALL busy with our lives and our jobs and our things to do. But it’s your JOB to call back and help us solve these problems isn’t it?” He said that it was and he sincerely apologized. He admitted that he had felt unusually swamped that week and he was working on the problem but he just hadn’t called to explain to us what he was doing/waiting for/the next step, etc. He thought maybe it was just a breakdown in communication between us all. He was right. So we all kissed and made up, so to speak. That was a relief.

I told my ShrinkyDink all about it. Her husband had cancer years ago and he actually had the same doctor and nurse as I do. So she was familiar with both and had already told me what to expect from my doctor. When I told her about this deal with Nurse Skippy, she said, “Don’t be surprised if he becomes your shadow and won’t leave you alone from now on. He’s probably going to take care of your every need before you even know you need anything!” BOY WAS SHE RIGHT!

Ever since we made up with Skippy, he has been one, sometimes two steps ahead of me in my coping with this cancer and the CAKE side effects. He calls me twice or more a week and asks how I’m feeling, if such-and-such medication is working to my liking, if I want to add anything else, try something new, etc. He is ALL OVER IT! He is my new be-fri! Like Friday he called and wanted to know how I was feeling because the weekend was coming up and he wouldn’t be back in until Tuesday (he and my doc are off on Mondays) and he wanted to make sure I would be comfortable between Friday and Tuesday. I told him of my persistant nausea and extreme acid reflux. He immediately called in three new prescriptions to try and told me to have a good weeekend. Then on Monday, the acid was sooooo bad that Honey got worried and wanted me to call the doctor (aka Nurse Skippy). I didn’t want to because I didn’t want another damned prescription. Well, Skippy called me yesterday to see how I was feeling again! i told him and he assured me to keep taking one of Friday’s new meds persistantly because it takes it a while to effectively heal the damage that has already been done in my stomach and esophagus from the acid. Then I asked him about how I should approach refilling a couple of my regular scripts that the doctor has doubled the dosage of — the insurance is going to give me a problem when I try to renew them too soon for their liking. He inquired about mail-order pharmacy and told me to just fax him the form I have for that and he’ll take care of the rest. He said that insurance companies usually like to fill patients’ scripts through thos mail-order pharmacies because they tend to be priced cheaper than drug or grocery store pharmacies. HA! How cool! I faxed him the paperwork immediately and he assured me he would get right on it. And I believe he will! He’ll probably call me later today to let me know the status!

So that’s how it all worked out in the end. Oh, I forgot to mention that just a couple days after we ironed everything out with him over the phone, he approached us and shook our hands while we were at the hospital for CAKE the last time. He even kept coming to check on me throughout the day and brought me samples of medications to try. He’s so cool. Like I said, my new be-fri! He’s a scrawny looking dude who’s voice sounds like George McFly in the Back to the Future movies so we’ve renamed him Nurse McFly. He’s certainly not a Skippy anymore! Maybe I’ll call him Nurse BeFri! ;)

Yuck. and Normal.

Blogged under Uncategorized by Garnet on Tuesday 29 January 2008 at 12:20 pm

I am soooo sorry for yesterday’s nasty post. I know I’m allowed to feel and write anything I want here but after I wrote it I regretted it all afternoon. I was even tempted to climb out of bed late last night to delete it but I was too lazy to do so. It was just so danged depressing and pitiful, not to mention the description of the tongue and cheese grater was disgusting. Please let me apologize for all that. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system somehow. No, I didn’t really feel better after having done so…like I said, I regretted it the minute I hit SUBMIT. Let’s just pick up and move on from here shall we? Wipe the slate clean.

So I went to the dentist yesterday for a cavity filling. It was sort of exciting for me because, prior to the fall of 2006, I hadn’t been to the dentist in about 12 years. (Some of you have already heard this whole Abbey’s Dental History Story so you can skip ahead a couple paragraphs if you don’t want to read it again!) I just had a deep-rooted fear of the dentist so I avoided it at all costs. As did Honey. So in August of 2006, we saw Lindsay’s fiance (back then he was just the “boyfriend” ;) ) go to the dentist and live through it so we figured if he can do it, SO CAN WE! We mustered up the courage to go and we’ve been taking good care of our teeth ever since! We even FLOSS EVERY NIGHT! We both had bad periodontal disease but mine was much worse than Honey’s - in the spring of 2007, I had 16 teeth (that’s HALF of my teeth!) grated with new bone tissue under the gums. Yuck. It was nasty but it has helped my receeding gums a lot. We’re still paying them off but the good news is both of our teeths and gums are now officially healthy and strong. I have to have special cleanings every three months at the periodontist’s office for about a year and then every three months for another year I get to alternate cleanings between the periodontist and the dentist. Horray for me.

Two weeks ago at my perio cleaning, they told me I had a cavity and I needed to see my regular dentist for a filling. I gotta say, I was exctited! For the first time in over a decade I had a normal, run of the mill, every day, common dental issue that could be taken care of in less than an hour!!!! Imagine my excitement! And especially now when I feel so utterly NOT NORMAL. Having a cavity filled felt like a day at the park for me!

I went in and got it filled yesterday and I learned a lot about how chemo can affect my mouth. See, chemo can cause serious damage (I don’t know if it’s permanent!) to the salivary glands. Thus, causing my mouth to be extremely dry — especially at night when I snore with my mouth open. When the mouth is so drastically dry like that, it can cause a massive breeding ground for bacteria. Which explains why the cavity I had filled yesterday had actually broken through a filling I got last year - same place, just busted through and behind it. Very interesting! They also said that the serious dryness may be the cause of my delicate tongue issues.

So what’s the solution? 1) brush my teeth as often as possible - after every meal, especially. 2) rinse with super special antibacterial mouthwash (there is a brand called Biotene that helps stimulate the salivary glands in the mouth). 3) chew lots of gum to keep things stimulated in there (Biotene also makes a magical gum just for this purpose). 4) drink lots of water (which I already do). I am armed and ready to go…toothbrushes and sensative toothpaste in every bathroom of the house, gum loaded in my purse and on the counter, hard candy, too (but it burns my tongue), and mouthwash. Yay!

I miss the kiddos at work so bad. I miss my coworkers too. I want to go visit and read them some stories. I was planning on going there today but I had a busy weekend and a full week ahead so I need just one day to rest at home alone and take care of myself. So I think I’ll reschedule and get over there Monday of next week, before I get CAKE on Tuesday so that I’m at the top of my game for the kids. I can’t wait! I love those guys!

In the meantime, I am going to schedule 30 minutes every single day to meditate and visualize healing in my mind and body. I’ve certainly got the time to do it, I just need the discipline to do it every day! Also, now that my neuropathy has mostly subsided, and it’s above 30 degrees outside, I’ll take a dog for a walk today.

Tomorrow I get to go with Sister and Mama to pick out her wedding dress and look at bridesmaid dresses! YAY! Playing wedding is AWESOME!

Thursday, my Daddy is taking me to ShrinkyDink and then out to lunch afterwards. I haven’t spent much time with my Daddy lately and I miss him a lot. We always have fun together!

Friday, Kat and I are getting manicures and pedicures at a spa for my birthday! The Diana Price-Fish Foundation scheduled the appointment and took care of all the arrangements for us so that’s pretty sweet. It’s Kat’s first mani/pedi so I have to make sure they don’t hurt her! ;) Then Friday night Honey and I are meeting with a group of twenty and thirty-something cancer survivors in our area for a happy hour.

Saturday is PARTY DAY!!!! Honey and I get to clean the house and get ready for our guests. Woo hoo! PARTAY!

Candace
keeps telling me about this adorable website so I’m adding it to my list of daily sites for fun! :)

Picture Pages

Blogged under Uncategorized by Garnet on Monday 28 January 2008 at 5:24 pm

I’m starting this fun photo thing over here at my other blog! Go check it out!

The reason I’m doing it over there and not here is because posting pictures is so much easier on Blogger than it is on WordPress (where this blog is hosted). I’ll let you know when next month’s pictures are up!

Standing Still

Blogged under Uncategorized by Garnet on Monday 28 January 2008 at 1:11 pm

Some days I simply cannot believe my life as it is right now. Just six months ago, everything was normal; everything was great. I’m not feeling sorry for myself by saying all this…I’m just still working through acceptance and grieving the loss of my old “normal” life. In August, Honey and I got a new dog. After two years of me whining and begging for another dog, we finally found the right one! We were fated to end up with little Miss Scarlett. A week or so later, we went to Hilton Head for a mini-vacation. Just the two of us, away at the beach, just to relax and have romance as we began our journey to have a baby. In fact, one of the main reasons I wanted another dog was to give Dobby some company to prepare him for another human addition to our house - he was such a spoiled Little Prince, I shuddered to think of how he would react with an infant taking up all of our time and attention. I thought another dog would help him learn to adjust. It worked well. And we had a great time in Hilton Head. When we got home, my Grandmother was in town and my mom wanted us all to have dinner together. I hadn’t seen Grandmother in several years and hadn’t really spoken to her in almost as long. Mom and I were still on shaky ground with each other but we were learning how to maintain a steady relationship with each other. So Honey and I took mom and Grandmother out to the Rio downtown for burritos and margaritas. We had a great time! I thought mom was a nervous wreck but she seemed to really enjoy herself. We told stories and laughed and drank too much. It was wonderful. By the end of August, I felt like so many things were falling into place in my life. I got a promotion at work, my very own classroom to lead. Things were moving forward and upward.

By the middle of October, it felt like we were screeching our brakes to try and stop so we could grieve our miscarriage. But the brakes on our life didn’t work. They squealed and scraped out of control and we kept sliding. We slid through my still-undiagnosed abdominal pain and the shock of my mother’s death. Eventually, we slammed at full force through a brick wall that was my cancer diagnosis. The wall shattered and our life finally came to a halt. I feel like I’ve just recently been able to catch my breath and climb out of the wreckage of bricks and debris.

I know I’m not supposed to think about death. I’m supposed to think positively and be strong and visualize my recovery and a healthy, happy pregnancy…some day. But it’s exhausting to think like that all the time. Sometimes (usually late at night when I can’t get to sleep) I allow myself some quiet moments contemplating my mortality. I don’t believe in heaven or hell and I don’t go to church. I’m not going to go to church because I do have my own faith and its certainly not found between four walls with a cross up front. I believe in nature, the cycle of life. Everybody dies and everybody is born again. I believe in reincarnation. I always have. I just never really gave it much thought. But in the last week, I’ve had the topic of reincarnation come across my path and explained to me in ways I never thought about before. And it made me less afraid. I’m not going to explain it to you here because I firmly believe that everybody’s spiritual beliefs are extremely personal and just as I don’t want anybody trying to convince me that their beliefs are the RIGHT way to believe, I don’t want to come across as trying to convince you that my belief system is the RIGHT way either. So you have yours and I have mine. So I’m thinking about reincarnation and it gives me some peace to think about where/what my mom has become since her passing. And it makes me think………………

I’m sorry. I just lost it. I can’t continue that train of thought. I seemed to have opened up a big can of worms that I had not intended to. Please forgive me and allow me to change the subject. Maybe I’ll revisit that topic some other day.

Let’s talk about my tongue! In my attempts to try to explain to you just how my tongue feels of late, I’d like you to do a little experiment with me. Go to your kitchen and get a cheese grater - the smaller the better. Not a cheese slicer, but a grater/shredder. One of those metal thingies with the hundreds of sharp holes where you can slide a block of cheese over to create finely shredded cheese. Don’t worry if you don’t have any cheese on hand…it’s not necessary for the rest of the experiment. I’ll wait here while you go get the cheese grater.

Waiting….

waiting…

Got it? Okay. Now stick out your tongue as far as you can, lean forward and run it back and forth over that cheese grater. You will probably need to run it over the shredder about 25 times to get the proper effect. If there is blood that means it’s working! Way to go! Be sure to cover the entire top surface of your tongue, all the way as far back as you can go without gagging yourself. You’re almost there!

Once you’ve effectively shredded your entire tongue, go get a big bottle of rubbing alcohol and some salt and some lemon juice. Take turns pouring all three over your shredded tongue and FEEL THE BURN! It’s indescribable, isn’t it? Oooooo. It hurts!

And now you know how my tongue feels when I eat anything, no matter how bland or easy on the palate. It’s from the CAKE and to be perfectly honest, it is the least of my unsavory symptoms. Yes, the neuropathy is subsiding, though I tried to refill our coffee canister from the bag of ground coffee that we keep in the freezer this morning and my fingers almost fell off from extreme pain. Anyway, the nausea and acid reflux still comes and goes but I’ve learned to ignore it and persevere. The liver pain is still here but, again, I’m ignoring it and just trying to get through the days without taking extra pain medication. No I have not told my doctor about the tongue thing because she probably can’t do anything about it and even if she could it would probably only be prescribing another medication and I am running out of room in my medicine chest for any more prescription bottles! Sometimes, sucking on an ice cube soothes it — that is, until the neuropathy kicks in and it starts hurting in a whole new kind of way.

Anyway, I just thought I’d give you a taste (no pun intended!) of how awesome my tongue feels of late! That’s honestly the best way to describe it. I’m sorry about your tongue. Mine doesn’t bleed as much as yours probably is about now but don’t worry, your tongue will heal in no time!

This post is too long already and all over the freaking place. Sorry about that. That’s my mind lately. “I am Jack’s short attention span.” Now I have to go get a cavity filled in my mouth like a regular, healthy person. Horray!

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