To Whom it May Concern,
Please don’t pity me. I know you’re very deeply sorry that I have cancer at such a young age, for no apparent reason. I know you feel I’m too good a person to have had this happen to. I know you love me and care about me and don’t want to ever lose me in your life. But I would prefer it if you would just tell me all of that instead of coating all your words to me with the slather of pitiful sympathy. When my mom died, that was certainly the appropriate time to extend to me your sympathy. Which you did. And for which I was grateful. But that time has now passed and we are all involved in this new thing called Surviving. And your sympathetic tones and insinuations make my Surviving all the more challenging. It would be much more helpful if you were to stop looking at me through such pitiful glasses and instead look at me through loving, surviving, supportive glasses. Did you know that it actually hurts my feelings when you say things like, “In a year, I’d love for you to do this with me, if you are still feeling good.” or when you single me out and don’t ask too much of me because I’m “sick” and “the one with cancer.” Maybe it would help out if you understood a little bit more about how I physically and emotionally feel as I Survive this challenge with cancer.
On the days when I get CAKE, time stops for me. I feel generally miserable for about five days afterwards. I mostly want to be left alone, though I can’t really manage much on my own so I actually need someone nearby to help me let the dogs in and out, feed the dogs, make or clean up after a meal, answer the door, get the mail, screen phone calls, etc. My medications make my reaction time a little too slow to be a safe driver for more than, say, 5 miles away from home so I do need rides from you and others as you are able. Also, it’s most helpful if you could come by during those five days or, really, anytime after that, too, and take my Honey out to do fun things that he likes to do - just to give him some space from me and our struggles. After those five days have passed, though, I begin to start feeling stronger and more human again. By 10 days after a CAKE treatment, I feel more like ME again - happy, strong, funny, outgoing, curious, etc.
I understand that we are all human and we all have our limitations. It’s alright if you simply can’t stand to be around me when I’m on the down side of the CAKE roller coaster. It’s perfectly understandable and acceptable. I will hold no judgement against you if you don’t want to hear about it, see me while I’m dealing with it, etc. Just please know that you can tell me this and I will understand without judgement.
Just please, please please…PLEASE stop and ask yourself if you are treating me like The Girl With Cancer. Look deep inside yourself and see if this letter is really addressed to you. If you think so, then just take the minor and easy steps I mentioned above to change that. If you are scared and maybe even downright terrified of this cancer in me and what it’s doing to me and our lives, then you should probably talk to me about it or get some other outside counsel for yourself. As far as I am concerned, I am not going to die from this cancer. This tumor is shrinking inside me and someday soon I’ll get to have surgery to have it removed and then this summer I’ll get to play on the beaches of Florida and go to China and next year I’ll get pregnant again and Honey and I will begin to raise our family together! The best thing you could possibly do to help me achieve those goals is think POSITIVELY not PITIFULLY! Do you understand? Is it too much to ask?
Thank you for understanding and please know that you can always talk candidly to me about it all. If you know me at all, then you know what an outright HONEST person I am, so know also that I can take your honestly as well. In fact, I encourage it. My door is open any time.
Thank you for your support, too. I love you.
Love,
Abbey aka Garnet
P.S. Have you ever wondered why I chose Garnet as my nickname over a decade ago? I collect and study crystals and I believe in their metaphysical energies. Here is a brief overview of the meanings associated with the garnet stone; see if they remind you of anyone:

Inspires romantic love, passion, stability, sensuality, sexuality, intimacy, positive thoughts, inspiration, energy, personal success, career success, social popularity, self confidence, fertility, persistence, stamina, survival, passion, intimacy, power, empowerment, motivation, assertion, ambition, respect, fame, glory, renown and increased productivity.
Taken from: Gemstone Meanings website