WARNING: The following post involves my poop! If you’re just not sure that you want to know me that intimately and may not be comfortable looking me in the eye the next time we see each other after reading about my poop and my booty, then read no further!

The rest of you…read on!

Here’s a riddle for you:
What’s more fun than finding a toilet full of blood after an excruciating bowel movement?
A trip to the ER!
But what’s more fun than even a trip to the ER in the middle of a relaxing Friday night with your Honey?
Having an ER doctor stick his finger in your butt!

Oh the joys of cancer!

Last week, I mentioned to my doctor that I had been experiencing some blood in my stools after being constipated and only having a BM every other day. It’s so sad because I used to be as regular as a clock! Anyway, I mentioned it to the doc because, well, she asked. We discussed what it looked like, color, amount, etc. Totally YUCK stuff. So she explained to me that the constipation is understandable, what with A) the narcotic pain meds I am on and B) the toxicity of the CAKE drugs. But she cautioned me to keep a close eye on it since one of the CAKE drugs is Avastin, which works like this:

Avastin can stop some cancers from developing new blood vessels. This reduces the cancer’s supply of oxygen and nutrients, which causes the tumour to shrink, or at least to stop growing. Drugs that interfere with blood vessel growth in this way are called angiogenesis inhibitors or anti-angiogenics.

I guess since it affects my body’s blood vessels, the docs are concerned that it may have adverse affects in other, undesirable areas or organs of my body. So they told me to watch it and if it gets worse, to call the hospital and talk to the on-call oncologist about it.

I am so freaking constipated that I usually do a little happy dance when I feel a BM coming on. I’d throw a party every time if I had time to invite people and order a cake. It’s really a big deal to me. If you have ever been this constipated, you’d understand why! At first I was taking stool softeners to help things move more smoothly but they did nothing to improve the frequency. Next, on my doctor’s suggestion, I tried Senna laxitives. Supposedly, it’s a natural, gentle stimmulating laxative. But things were still hard and painful when they’d move along. So I switched to Senna-S which is still the gently stimulating laxative with an added stool softener. Gentle my ass! (no pun intended. okay, maybe a little pun intended!) That shit (again, no pun) gave me HORRIBLE cramps and increased acid reflux. So I nixed that crap (I’m outa control here!) straight away!

Every time I take a poop, there is usually blood, more than just a drop or two but usually not a lot to worry about. I usually just write it off to being constipated and things trying to break out. It’s painful so naturally, there should be blood, right? Well, let’s just say last night I found more blood than poo in the toilet, which cut the Poop Party suddenly short. I called the on-call oncologist and I was terrified. I was crying and scared and pissed off and impatient to just be NORMAL again. But I toughed it out and made the call. The nice doctor told me to go to the ER just to make sure nothing serious was going on in there. Bah.

Eight o’clock last night, we replenished the card games and magazines and such in my hospital bag and took off to SkyRidge - the nicest and most-high tech ER in our area. We are no strangers to that ER, what with our motorcycle mishap in May (Honey dislocated his pinky finger) and my miscarriage pains in October. I walked in wearing my pink Chihuahua scrubs and jokingly asked the docs and nurses I passed not to mistake me for one of them and put me to work. Ha ha. After meeting with the ER doctors and nurses and running through the gauntlet of my current symptoms, treatments and medications, the doctor said he wanted to do a CBC, a CAT scan and a colonoscopy. Joy of joys.

Three hours, 7 tubes of blood, a quart of fake-lemonade-tasting contrast drink, one CAT scan and a mini-colonoscopy (they didn’t go very deep and without a scope) later, everything checked out just fine. My CBC was all high and normal and good. No leaks, tears or other such scary things showed up in the CAT scan. And the mini-colonoscopy revealed I have a hemerroid and a tear “down there” which is more than likely causing the bleeding. They told me to start popping the stool softeners like they are candy and increase my fiber intake. DUH.

I’ve tried eating natural foods to increase my fiber - with my IBS, I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with fiber. But one can only eat so many apples, lettuce, vegetables and high-fiber breads every day…especially when one’s appetite is all but non-existent! So when we came home from the ER at midnight, I broke out the Metamucil and stool softeners and started chugging.

It SUCKED going to the ER last night but it was the best thing to do and I’m glad we were able to make sure nothing more serious is wrong inside. They treated us nicely and we were fairly comfortable (though tired and without pillows!) while there. They didn’t even think twice before giving me a shot of heavy duty pain killers (Dilaudid) and an anti-nausea medicine. That must be a perk of having cancer…everyone throws pain killers at you to make sure you’re comfortable! I’m certainly not complaining!

I’m feeling much better today - better than I have all week, though my liver is in a bit of pain from all the heavy duty drugs last night. We slept late and Honey just went to the gym for a while. The Christmas decorations are coming down today (are there any post-Christmas elves who want to come over and help?!) and we might go to a movie tonight. I’d better end this post now and go take some more fibers! Yum!