I have a little secret. It’s sort of like knowing the correct answers to a test after you’ve taken the test but before you’ve gotten your grade back from the teacher. Like it can’t be real. I’m not supposed to know this. I’ll pretend that I don’t know this already when I get the test back. But then how can I when I already know that I’ve passed the test with flying colors and I’m so proud and excited about it?! I’ve never been good at keeping secrets, so why start now?

After the boring CAT scan and waiting over an hour to see Dr. Kane yesterday, she visited with me and dad for a while. We discussed what happened last week with my WBC and how she is going to alter the next two weeks of chemotherapy to test my limits another way…to make sure they don’t plummet again. She was very glad to see how well I had responded to the Neupogen shots, though. I’m back on the Xeloda, three pills twice a day through Friday, then after chemo (just gemcitabine) on Friday, switch to two Xeloda pills twice a day. Then a blood draw the following Friday to check WBC. My short term memory is so wonky lately, I can’t remember how else Xeloda affected me other than the severe stomach pains (which I think I’ve learned how to curtail). I started taking them again this morning so we’ll see how the next 24 hours treat me.

I told Dr. Kane about the CAT scan and how they were going to Dr. DoomAndGloom first before she gets a copy of the report. What did she do? She turned to the computer at the desk in the exam room and pulled up yesterday’s CAT scan images right then and there! Of course, a radiologist hadn’t reviewed it yet so there was no formal report or measurment of the tumor so this was a completely early preliminary first glance sort of thing.

She pulled up February’s CAT scan so that it showed right next to yesterday’s image. That way we could get a better side-by-side comparison. Unfortunately, the shades of gray were darker in the Feb. image than yesterday’s so to the untrained eye it was difficult to really tell a difference. If my dad hadn’t left town yesterday, he would be on here in a heartbeat telling you just how difficult it is to discriminate the tumor from the other dark shades of gray that represent all my other internal organs! It’s nearly impossible. I’ve seen it a dozen times and I still can’t really tell a difference! But Dr. Kane has seen hundreds if not thousands of these kinds of images so she’s got a better concept of what the tumor looks like aside from all the other stuff inside me.

“Hmmm…” she said as she peered closely at the two images, dragging and clicking the mouse over the images and trying to explain to us where the tumor is. “See it there? That’s the left lobe of the liver and we see the tumor on top there. Although, hmmm…it looks much less dense than it did in February.” MUCH LESS DENSE!??!?! That’s not necessarily “smaller” per se but it does mean it’s been broken up by all the chemo! I certainly couldn’t tell a damn difference but I’m used to taking her word for things like this so I did!

I did the Happy Dance all the way to the parking lot and Dad and I had Dairy Queen for dinner to celebrate! Of course, we still need to wait for the formal report and I can’t wait to see the measurements now. Maybe it’s the same size but Dr. Kane said it’s “MUCH LESS DENSE” than it was before. That means breaking up, falling apart, shattering. HORRAY! Surely Dr. DoomAndGloom and/or his handy dandy Nurse Pity will tell me a much more depressing report but I’ll try my hardest to block out what he says and then hurry back over to Dr. Kane for her opinion. I’ll also send the images off to Dr. Curley at MD Anderson to get his ideas, as usual.

Today Sister and I are going to get make up at the mall so I can look pretty again! I’ll be back later with more info.