Maybe I’m mistaken but I don’t think it’s particularly good practice for your shrink to stand you up. Am I wrong?

We made it home safe and sound yesterday. Scarlett licked me for about 10 minutes straight, she was so excited to see me! It feels good to be back among our own mess, take a shower in our own bathroom and sleep in our own bed again. Let the record show that Honey’s bag weighed in at 49 pounds and mine was 41 pounds! Way to go, us!!!!

In the two or three weeks before we left town, I kept saying, “Oh, we’ll just call that doctor when we get back…” or “I’ll just make that appointment when we get back…” or “I won’t even think about how scary the liver transplant option may be until we get back…”

Well. Here we are. “Back.” Let the phone calls begin! I need to make appointments for my CAT and PET scans, meet with a radiologist to revisit the radiation idea again, consult with Dr. I the transplant doc to see if I’m a candidate for that, reschedule my teeth cleaning, reschedule my house cleaning, go see ShrinkyDink tomorrow, meet with Dr. Kane and get CAKE on Friday…oy. Did I say it’s good to be back home? Who am I kidding?!

Yesterday, as we were sitting in the Kansas City airport, waiting for our flight because we ended up being two hours early to the gate, I reflected on our long vacation. Although at the time I felt tired and my feet hurt and I was missing our home and our critters, I thought more about what a wonderful vacation we’d just had. Visiting with the Barretts and bonding especially with a few in particular; spending some quality time with “Mama Carolyn” in Hilton Head; catching up with the Keller and Fairbank clan in Topeka; seeing Maggie’s house and her wonderful family; experiencing the incredible outpouring of support towards cancer research at the Relay for Life; being shocked and awed that Steve and Tonia would drive hundreds of miles through the middle of the night just to see us at the Relay…all of this combined and has left me overflowing with the feelings of love and support from my friends and family as I go through this difficult time in my life. I can really feel you out there, beyond your comments and emails. You are not only faces in the crowds but you are my family, whether we’re related by blood or not. I know now that you truly are all there to hold me up when I fall down, to make me laugh when I’m really blue, pushing me further when I don’t think I can do it anymore. You love me and I love you and I’ve never felt so NOT ALONE in all my life! Thank you, every one of you, for being there for me, for us (Pete really appreciates it, too). We are very grateful for you.

What a relay we had!

We got to Maggie and Rich’s yesterday around 2pm and hung out a bit with them at their house before heading over and setting up for the relay an hour or so later. We watched for hours as more and more people appeared at the track, set up their tents and prepared for all the events that followed. I got a special relay t-shirt from Maggie that is purple, which signifies that I am a Survivor. And, as such, I signed in and signed up to read a public service announcement over the microphone later in the evening and help judge each team’s tent and their themes. I got really involved.

Some family members showed up by 6pm (John and Cynthia, Amy and her kids Jacob and Jordan, and Jennifer and Rick, too). We all sat through the moving opening ceremony and then I had to join the handful of “newly diagnosed - one year or less” survivors in the front leading section of the line of Survivors to walk the first lap. Oh man, was that ever hard. I didn’t know anybody out there, though I knew that we all had so much in common. The most difficult part of that lap was the first few steps. I just kept telling myself, “left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, breathe, breathe…” I made it 3/4 the way around the track before I started to lose it. Fortunately, Honey had come down from the bleachers to take pictures of us - and me particularly- as we approached the end to pick up our caretakers who would join us for one more lap. By the time I got to Honey I was bawling my eyes out. I just smashed my face into his big, snuggly shoulder and cried and cried about everything. A minute or so later I felt better and we walked hand-in-hand for that next lap, talking about how amazing and touching it was that family had showed up and how sincerely moved we were in how Maggie was honoring me in this event…

Most of the evening was spent by the tent on the side of the track, chatting with friends (Rick and Jennifer stayed with us well into the night) and often getting up to participate in various events throughout the relay. At 10pm there was a luminaria ceremony where people had put “In Memory of…” or “In Honor of…” cancer patients (present and past) on white paper bags with a candle inside, all lined up around the inside edge of the track. Everyone stopped to light their candles (which was an event all of its own, what with the gusty winds that had been blowing all day and evening!) and then held a few moments of silence to pay respect to those people on the bags. Maggie put my name on one and she and I sat in front of it and talked about what the word “hero” means to her (I ain’t telling about it here because that’s between me and my best friend Maggie!). The silence was suddenly broken as a bag in front of Maggie (not mine) caught on fire and started to smoke. She and I sprang up and ran several feet away from it, while people nearby shouted, “STOMP ON IT! DO IT!” Rick got up the guts to do it and started stomping away at the flaming bag, while others chased down the flaming bits that blew across the track towards the tents! Rick felt sooooooooo guilty for having stomped on someone’s memory bag but we all soothed his guilty conscience with jokes and laughter.

By 11pm I was beyond worn out. Maggie was chasing me around all evening telling me not to overdo it and hurt myself but I kept assuring her I was fine and when I got tired, I’d rest in the chairs, which I did until I just couldn’t do it anymore. We finally headed out and back to the hotel for some rest, while Maggie, Rich and her team kept the relay going with all the other teams until 6am!

Now here’s the really freaking cool part…

This morning, when Honey and I finally rolled out of bed around 10, we saw a text message on his phone from our dear friend Steve who lives about 45 minutes north of us in Denver. The message said, roughly: “Having a great time at the relay here in Gardner, KS this morning! Give me a call when you all get up and moving!” WHAT?!!?! We were stunned! I kept shaking my head and re-reading the message, thinking, “Stever’s here? In Gardner? With Maggie? And we had no idea he was coming!!!!” An hour or so later we met Maggie, Rick, Steve and his wife Tonia at a Waffle House near our hotel for breakfast and to catch up. Apparently, Steve and Tonia drove all night from Denver to Gardner and made it to the relay around 4am this morning!!!!!! They found Maggie’s team in time for the closing ceremonies and such then stayed with Tonia’s sister here in Olathe! We’re still a bit shocked by the whole surprise! I always knew Steve and Tonia were some of the kindest, sweetest and most caring friend of ours but I had no idea that they would do all that, and go to such lengths as to drive all night just for me! My heart is aching with love for all of these people, really.

We went to shop at Legends mall and toured through the Converse store. It was a big disappointment for us as they didn’t have any really cool and unique styles and very few of any in Honey’s size. I bought a simple pair of white ones with red and navy trim, a T-shirt, hat and laces and one used game for the DS from the game store nearby. Fear not, my readers, for our suitcases should not suffer from being overweight tomorrow. Just to be safe, we’re packing the smaller items near the tops of our bags so that if, when we check in, they are a bit overweight, we can remove the smaller bits and shove them into our carry on bags. We’ll see how well that plan works tomorrow morning.

We have some great pictures to share with you from this whole long vacation and relay but too tired to upload them right now. Give me a couple days after we get home to get them up and running for you. For now, I’m going to go put my feet up and wait patiently for our flight tomorrow morning to take me home to my own bed, home, puppies, kitties and everything else I was ready to get away from two weeks ago when I was begging for two weeks’ vacation!!! LOL Isn’t it ironic?

Okay it is sort of a little bit that we did buy stuff while on our trip. But who doesn‘t buy things while travelling?!!? It’s the thing to do! you gotta buy souvenirs and t-shirts from your favorite places (like Salty Dog) and such. It’s not that we bought a bunch of heavy bulky items, it’s just that there are a lot of them and combined they make for added weight.

Plus, Lindsay gave us Disney World presents while we were in Florida so we had to send those home in boxes.

And my Vera Bradley bags…and tomorrow we’re going to the Converse outlet store in Kansas City so we had to plan ahead and allow room for those…

This was never really a problem before the gas prices hit the roof and the airlines thought they could make a buck or two out of the deal, charging extra money for extra weight and/or baggage. How annoying.

So yesterday, while we were in the Charlotte airport, I called United to A) see about possibly upgrading our return flight to first class and B) cancelling our flights to Vancouver in August for the China trip (yes, I totally put that off!). I called the regular United number and got to speak to an Indian (dots, not feathers) lady who was helpful but very hard to understand. After I declined from paying an additional $1000 per ticket to upgrade to first class, I asked to cancel the other tickets. She said she had to transfer me to International Reservations, which she did, and I ended up speaking to an American lady. U.S. flights = fuzzy foreigner, International flights = American lady. I don’t get that.

So tired.
I got to sneak off and take a nap at Aunt Marti’s today. Seriously, two weeks is one week too long for vacation. Although being in Kansas feels much closer to home than the east coast.

And I love love love, and adore our entire family (his side and mine!) but seriously, there is a limit to how much family I can take in a one week period! I’m getting a little familyed-out and ready to be alone with just Honey for a while. Maybe on Saturday we’ll just lay low and do our own thing before heading back home on Sunday.

oh and get this. Honey totally spoils me. I had a Playstation PSP that he got me a few months ago to use while getting CAKE and in waiting rooms and whatnot but I have quickly discovered there is a serious shortage of cool games for the PSP and I’m already bored with the ones I’ve got and can’t find any more that I want to try! So today we finally broke down and got me a Nintendo DS! We sort of had to, seeing as how they had a pearly pink one that was shouting my name! I got two games to help stimmulate my brain when experiencing ChemoBrain again: a crossword puzzle game and something called Brain Buster that helps develop memory and concentration, which are two major factors effected by ChemoBrain. When I get home I’ll get some more fun mind-melting games but for now I will be satisfied. Don’t worry, this little whizgig fits right in my carryon case (which we had to buy in HHI because my other one flat out broke earlier this week!). It’s fun and all but I’m getting tired of shopping, too.

Tomorrow after the Converse Heaven store, we’re off to Maggie and Rich’s to visit, play with her lovely daughters and get ready for the Big Relay! From what I hear, the first lap is known as the Survivor’s Lap, where all survivors (regardless of past or current) walk together (with someone special if they wish). I want Maggie to walk with me on that one because even though she lives hundreds of miles away from us, her spirit is strong and extends easily across the miles and helps pick me up when I’m feeling down, pushes me on when I’m tired and weak, and comforts me when I don’t know what to do next or what the hell just happened here (still in shock sometimes). That’s just Maggie’s way and I’m proud to help her support this cause to find a cure for this terrible disease! I can’t wait to see Maggie and stay up all night with her!!! YAY!